3 years ago
July 16, 2004
Leaving the hospital with out a baby after having a baby was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. Even though we left Amanda in the care of the staff at 11 am on July 13th, I don’t think it really truly hit me that I was going to walk out of that hospital with out a baby until I had to do it. Alex was still at Nana and Pawpaw’s house and Tony and I left the Hospital alone. Leaving that place knowing she was not coming home with us was so difficult.
From the time we got home that Friday afternoon until Monday afternoon after the Memorial service I don’t remember much of anything. I was in shock, numb and completely just a walking Zombie. Which totally makes me glad that we made all the arrangements ahead of time.
Tony’s family came in town at some point and went home after the service. We did go to church on Sunday.
The thing I remember doing is becoming very protective of Alex. All I wanted to do is sit and hold him all day. And thankfully he was a fairly cuddly kid and let me do that as much as I wanted. At 2 years old he didn’t understand anything that was going on, but on some level I think he did understand that Mommy was sad.
Kim