Happy Birthday
Today Amanda would have been 3 years old! Has it really been 3 years? It seems like it was just yesterday but also seems like a diffrent lifetime.
I have been posting the 3 years ago posts leading up to today. I am not going to rewrite the Birth story. It is here if you want to read it again.
Today’s post will be 3 years later! How are we doing? We are doing ok. When I think about that question I always come up with the answer OK. Never great or wonderful, we are just ok. But Ok is not a bad thing. We get up everyday we have 2 beautiful children to drive us crazy. After 3 years I can say I think we have found our new normal. The day to day things seem to come easily. We don’t dwell on the sadness. We laugh and enjoy our children and our lives.
I do however still see a toddler not yet preschooler running around the house. I have moments where Alex and Allison are playing and I imagine what it would be like if all 3 of my children were laughing and playing together. I wonder what kind of chaos that would add to our home.
I miss her with every fiber of my being. My heart hurts for her! And my heart hurts for Alex and Allison who will grow up knowing they have a sister but won’t get to know her.
I remember weird things about Amanda. How soft her skin was, how tiny she was but she still looked chubby because she was short, and how she had Tony’s dark curly hair.
I remember her trying to cry when she was born. How she never opened her eyes. I have no idea what color her eyes were.
I remember how the hat I made for her fit perfectly. It wasn’t to big it wasn’t too small. It was perfect! She was perfect!
I found this poem a few days ago. I fell in Love with it!
Celebration
by Gail Fasolo
This day will be a celebration
Of the short time you were here.
You will always be remembered
With great love and sometimes tears.
But only to feel pain and sorrow
Would not be quite fair to you.
Your life meant much more to me
More than I ever knew.
You were here so briefly,
I wonder if you know
All the ways you’ve touched my world
Since the day God called you home.
Now, my child, you’re with
our heavenly Father above.
I see not only what I’ve lost
But my capacity of love.
There will always be a big void
My soul will grieve forever.
Will I forget or stop loving you?
No, not now, not ever.
As this sad day is upon me
Oh! How my heart still hurts.
But even as I mourn your death
I celebrate your birth
Happy Birthday Amanda Rose! Always my sweet Angel
Love Mommy