When a baby is destined to die
When a baby is destined to die
The link above is to an MSN article about Poor Prenatal Diagnosis. This article does a very good job of describing what its like and how the world around you looks upon you when you choose to carry a baby to term that is destined to die. The questions the looks of not understanding our choices. Along with the support and compassion for our choice.
This is the one section of the article that speaks volumes.
Both options — to terminate or continue the pregnancy — are heartbreaking.
“It’s the worst news that anyone could get — that your child is going to die,” says Schoonveld. “These horrible feelings aren’t going to go away with a termination. But the flip side is that they’re not going to go away after a baby is born either. … For many families it’s their first real parenting decision.”
Many have family and friends who are mystified as to why a couple would continue a pregnancy knowing their child will die. Loved ones often fear that by continuing on, the parents are simply delaying their grief or torturing themselves. What will they say to strangers who casually ask if the nursery is ready? And what if bringing the baby into this world causes the child suffering?
But for some, the pregnancy feels precious because it may be the only time they’ll get to be with that child, says Schoonveld. “I think most people who have continued want to experience as much time with the baby as possible and want to hopefully meet the baby.”
Other families may have religious reasons that guide their choice. Sometimes parents may hold out a hope that somehow the terminal diagnosis was wrong. And others just don’t want to be the one who decides when their baby dies.
“Don’t assume we’re Luddites or religious fanatics,” Kuebelbeck says. “Don’t assume we’re saints. We’re just parents doing the best we can.”
We experienced ALL of the above!
Initially I was very torn about our decision. I didn’t think I could carry a baby for 5 more months knowing he/she was going to die. But on the flip side I also could not be the one to make the decision to end her life.
So many times Tony and I were told how strong we were and how amazing a job we did and how we were such an inspiration. We really didn’t understand and still don’t. So many people told us they didn’t think they could do what we did. My response to that is “You do what you have to”. We didn’t make our journey alone. Our faith carried us just as our Lord carried Amanda to heaven that day in July.
I am encouraged that carrying a terminally ill baby to term is becoming more accepted. And hospitals and birthing centers are becoming equipped to deal with this situation in a compassionate way, because I know not everyone has a positive experience like we did when Amanda was born.
Kim