Amanda’s Story

I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions for a few days–mostly at night–so I went to see one of my OB doctors, Dr. S, on Monday the 12th. I was 2 cm dilated and 80% effaced. Dr. S said we probably wouldn’t make it to the C-Section date of July 28th, but she gave me a prescription for Ambien to help me sleep.

At about 1:00 AM early Tuesday morning, I woke up having contractions again. I had been dreaming about having contractions, and when I woke up I was still having them! At first I didn’t think anything of it because this was the 5th night in a row I had been woken up with contractions. So again I thought I was just having Braxton Hicks contractions just like previous nights. I got up to use the bathroom, and realized these were a whole lot more painful that the ones I had been having previously and a whole lot closer together.

I woke up Tony to time them. He was not exactly happy about this since I had woken him up the last few nights to do the same thing, but once he started timing them he realized the contractions where much longer and closer together than the nights before. The contractions were 50 seconds long and 5 minutes apart. Without me telling him this was real, he got up and started to get dressed.

We called the doctor, and I finished packing. I did not have my hospital bag finished because I was scheduled to have a C-Section in 2½ more weeks! I thought I had more time! We got Alex up and headed to the hospital.

Tony called my Mom, and I called my friends Amy and Tiffany. I was unsure about calling them at 2:00 AM in the morning, but I knew they would want to be there and would practically kill me if I didn’t call. On the way to the hospital Tony called Vicar Robb. We realized we didn’t have his correct home phone number and accidentally woke up some poor unsuspecting guy… twice. We ended up calling Robb’s cell phone and left a message. At this point I became a bit worried that he wouldn’t make it.

We made it to the hospital at about 3:00 AM, but not without hitting every bump on the road! My Mom was already there. Tony and I walked up to Labor and Delivery while my Mom got Alex and his stuff out of the car. We get checked in and were taken to a Labor and Delivery room. I was being hooked up to all the monitors and getting an IV started when Amy arrived. Dr. S, who was on call that night, came in and checked me. I was still only 2 cm dilated.

At this point we began discussing what we were going to do. I half jokingly asked if we could call Dr. B (my normal, and favorite, doctor). To my surprise Dr. S mentioned that she could call him for us, but that he had been on call all weekend and was really tired that day at work. I must have looked sad at that news cause Dr. S mentioned that since I was only 2 centimeters that she would be willing to wait awhile and plan the C-section for around 6:00 AM. This would give Dr. B time to finish getting some sleep and then she would call him. I was totally willing to wait. But the contractions were getting a tad annoying.

Dr. S offered to give me some Demerol to help with the pain until we could do the C-Section. I was glad to accept it. Once the Demerol took affect I don’t remember much because I became rather spacey and sleepy. Some time later, the Demerol was either wearing off or the contractions were becoming much stronger because I was in pain again.

I have no idea how much time had passed (the clock in the room didn’t work), but Dr. S came back in to check me, and I had become 4 centimeters dilated. I believe this was around 5:00 AM. She started talking like we weren’t going to be able to wait any longer on the C-section, and she started getting things ready and set up. She also went ahead and called Dr. B. I was OK with not waiting because I was in serious pain at this point! A few minutes later Dr. S came in and told us Dr. B was on his way.

I don’t know how to explain why I wanted Dr. B there. He delivered Alex, and he is my main Dr. and that would be enough, I guess, but there is something special about him. He answered all of our questions, and at every appointment he kept me grounded in what our expectations should be about the outcome of this pregnancy. He was always able to do that without squashing our hope that things would some how work out.

There was some discussion on whether they were going to put the epidural in while still in the Labor and Delivery room or in the OR. It took a little bit for everyone to get stuff together. Most of this I don’t remember very well because the contractions were taking most of my attention. They finally decided to do the epidural in the operating room. So down the hall we went.

The epidural was easier this time than it was with Alex. I don’t know why. Maybe it was because I knew what to expect. The epidural took effect very quickly.

I was laying on the operating table just hanging out while everyone was busily getting ready when I heard Dr. B say, “Hello”. I felt totally at ease because he had made it. And I was very appreciative that he got up early to do this for me when he didn’t have to!

At some point Tony came in and the surgery began. I don’t remember much until finally Tony stood up to see Amanda being born. She was born at 6:01 AM.

I heard her try to cry… a sound I will never forget. I heard someone say it’s a girl. I knew by the sound of her trying to cry that she was alive but not as healthy as we had hoped. I started to cry… happy because she was alive… and sad because I knew she wasn’t doing well.

She was taken over to the team waiting to work on her. They worked on her for a little bit, and Tony went over to see her.

Dr. B leaned over and told me that her head was a little squished but other than that she was perfect. Until he said that, I didn’t realize how worried I was about how she would look. Every specialist we had talked to told us the worst case would be she would have deformed arms and legs and squished face because of the lack of amniotic fluid. She had none of these deformities.

Before she was taken to the NICU, she was wheeled over to me so that I could see her. She was beautiful. Tony was torn; he wanted to stay with me but he wanted to go with Amanda, too. I told him to go with her, which he did, but he later came back since they were working on her in the NICU.

The doctors finished closing me up, and I was taken back to the Labor and Delivery room. Tiffany was there and so was Vicar Robb. My Mom had gone home with Alex at some point during the surgery… or before… I can’t remember… (Demerol!!!)

I got a new nurse. Her name was Marian, and she was amazing. She got everything ready for Amanda’s baptism and in general made sure we got everything we wanted that we had stated in Amanda’s birth plan.

Dr. Johnson came in and told us the initial test results on Amanda’s lungs. They were not good. The best I can recall is that her oxygen levels were in the 60’s and her carbon dioxide levels were over 100. He asked us what we wanted to do. We decided to wait until the second set of results came back.

During this time Tony and Vicar Robb went to the NICU to see Amanda and take some pictures. When Dr. Johnson came back the numbers were getting worse. Her carbon dioxide was in the 180’s now.

We decided to have her removed from the ventilator and brought to us so that we could spend as much time with her as we could. Tony had taken the hat and blanket that I had crocheted for her and a white jumper that I had bought for her to be dressed into the NICU. She was wheeled in still having oxygen pumped into her lungs with a bag. They removed everything and handed her to me.

She was perfect… and beautiful. Vicar Robb performed her baptism. I was completely oblivious to anything else going on in the room. My complete attention was on Amanda. I unwrapped her from her blanket. She had perfect little hands and perfect little feet. When we took her hat off for the baptism I noticed she had Tony’s hair. It was dark and wavy. Other than deciding she didn’t look like Alex, we didn’t know who she favored.

At 8:37 AM Dr. Johnson came in to check her heartbeat. She was silent. Official time of death was 8:37 AM.

Tony and I spent the next few hours holding her and taking pictures. We did footprints and hand and foot impressions with the amazing help of Tiffany, Amy and Nurse Marian.

Within an hour, my Mom, Dad and Alex came to the hospital. We were a little unsure of how to handle Alex seeing Amanda. We didn’t know how he would react and we didn’t know how we should react to him.

It was amazing. He walked over to her and said “Shhh baby sleeping, So Cute”. We all melted. That was the only reaction he had to her. He went about his business checking out the rest of the hospital room, innocent to what had happened.

At about 11:30 my regular hospital room was ready. We decided to leave Amanda in the care of the staff when we left the Labor and Delivery room. It wasn’t easy to leave that room with out her but we felt that was the time to say our good-byes.

I cannot say enough about the hospital staff at Piedmont Hospital. Everyone was totally amazing. During my required 3-day stay in the hospital, everyone was very considerate of us, and what we were going through. A special card was placed on the door to my room to alert the staff of our loss. Even though I enjoyed talking about Amanda to anyone who wanted to inquire about her, it was much easier if the staff already knew about our loss.

For the first 24 hrs I was on a clear liquid diet. I only received juice and orange Jell-O. I wonder if this is why I dislike orange Jell-O. Because I had my gall bladder removed after Alex was born, there are many things I can’t eat, so hospital food just was not great for me. Tony had to go get me alternative things to eat.

Family and friends visited while I was in the hospital. We also received many very pretty flowers that brought comments from all the nurses. Marian our nurse in Labor and Delivery stopped by on Thursday to see how we were doing. She is one amazingly sweet lady.

My mom was watching Alex while I was in the hospital. She brought him up to the hospital a few times, so we didn’t have Alex withdrawals too bad.

I knew I was going to be released on Friday morning, but I didn’t know how early that would be. Dr. B showed up early on Friday. I was still half asleep. We went through all the discharge instructions and he said we could leave anytime we wanted, but there was no hurry. Well I had been in the hospital long enough! So Tony and I wasted no time getting out of there. We left about 9:00 AM Friday morning, as we were pulling away from the parking lot we realized how weird it was to be leaving the hospital after having a baby but not bringing a baby home.

Family and friends joined us to celebrate Amanda’s short but precious life at her Memorial Service at Christ the King Lutheran Church on Monday July 19th, 2004 at 10:00 AM. We will miss her, and she will be in our hearts always.

It has been almost 2 weeks since Amanda was born and died as I am writing this. Everyday I hear of or speak to someone who’s life has been touched or changed because or our sweet little girl. God has an amazing way of turning tragedy into something absolutely amazing. It makes our decision to carry her to term and give her a chance at life, no matter how short, all the more special.

Thank you for reading our story.

God Bless

Kim, Tony, Alex and Amanda