Amanda’s Story

Flipping the Calendar over every year to November sends me into a emotional tail spin. I tell myself that its just another day just a piece of paper. My brain knows this but my heart not so much!

My brain flashes back to my life before! Before It changed! Before I changed! Before I ended up on the wrong end of the statistics! Before I left a hospital with empty Arms!

In October 2003 we started discussing having another baby. Alex was an adorable 18 month old! Why wouldn’t we want to have another one?! We were unsure about the timing, didn’t want to mess up a good thing. Seriously little did we know! But when we didn’t get pregnant in October and realized how disappointed we were, we knew it was the right time to add to our family. November rolls around and travel plans before Thanksgiving were suppose to interfere with baby making. Little did I know we actually got pregnant 2 weeks before Thanksgiving. While we were out of town I was having crazy dreams, normally not my first symptom of pregnancy, so I ignored them. We drove home the day before Thanksgiving and then were going to dinner at my moms house on Thanksgiving Day. I was so tired I fell asleep on the couch before we were suppose to leave. REALLY?? on Thanksgiving. Still I ignored the fact that I was exhausted! Then I started to feel off! So I made Tony buy a pregnancy test. But by this point I knew I was pregnant. I got up early Saturday morning to take the test didn’t even wake Tony up. The LINE showed up immediately. No question I was pregnant. I did a little happy dance in the bathroom and then went back to bed. I was so tired!

That morning was the last vivid memory I have of the person I was. Of how my life was suppose to be. Even though we didn’t find out Amanda was sick until March 16th approx 16 weeks later. I remember that Thanksgiving as the beginning of the new life I had no idea I was in for.

I now know that this was the path my life was suppose to take. To have and loose a baby changed me. Some good some bad. But today I am the person I was suppose to be. But that doesn’t make the memories any easier to process.

Every year November kicks my butt emotionally. I do find it strange that November is the hard time of year for me. Amanda’s Birthday is a celebration that the kids and I enjoy. March 16th is a day that passes without much fanfare. November and Thanksgiving are hard!!!

Kim